Untied Laces

Family....

2009-11-13T07:53:50Z

My mom and my sister are having some major struggles and I feel so stressed, worried, and torn. I cannot do anything to change the facts, nor can I stand by and do nothing.

This is where I yank my hair out by the roots...

From bad to worse

2009-11-13T07:52:50Z

I sat down today and decided to see if I could locate a friend who once meant a great deal to me. I figured I would just touch base with him to see how his life is treating him. I do this about once every three or four years. I started out by doing a google search for his name.

This is where my day went from bad to worse. I learned that earlier this year he was convicted of first degree murder. He, his wife, and 2 of his cousins lured another cousin into a trap. They beat him with a pipe. Locked him in the trunk of his car and shoved the car into a flooded quarry..... All because they suspected he was dating one of the cousins estranged wife.

I babysat the victim when I was a young girl.

I lose more faith in people every year.

Some people

2009-11-13T07:28:59Z

There are some people in this world who never should have children. I know that nobody ever said that life was fair, and to be honest I would not even want it to be. Yet, there are some people who should be barren because nobody deserves to be their child.

Just sayin,
Maggi

There is no quicker way

2009-11-13T07:27:39Z

There is no quicker way to land on my shit list than to piss on my food!!!

Masters dog pissed on my groceries!!!! He hiked his leg, looked me in the eye and pissed!!!!

That is so worse than biting the hands that feeds him!!!!

I was wrong

2009-11-04T01:45:16Z

I was wrong. There is one thing I do hate more than a thief or a liar. That is a cheater.

I stand corrected.

Poetic justice

2009-11-03T04:59:26Z

Poetic justice always finds a way... and somehow that makes life bearable.
Maggi

Halloween stuff again

2009-10-30T18:44:24Z

We are taking the kids out tonight and to a couple activities during the day tomorrow. This way we can stay home tomorrow night and hand out goodies to the neighborhood children.

The rain has finally gone away so I can get my spider webs up too. I still need to pick up some spiders though. I also need to dig out my old scary sound CD since the new one was destroyed by water. I need to hide the cd player as well.

Anna stayed home from work today. William is already off on Fridays so we can carve our jack o lanters. We have picked some awesome designs this year.

I so love Halloween!

Todays menu

2009-10-30T00:39:12Z

Sugar cookies that we decorated ourselves in shapes of black cats, ghost, pumpkins, and coffins.

Orange Milk
Orange Carrots
Peanut butter and guts (strawberry jelly)sandwhiches cut into Halloween shapes
Witches fingers ( celery with cream cheese and raisans on the end)

Crafts: Magnetic ghosts, Paper plate jack-o-lanterns
Game: Witches Brew ( like duck pond only with Ducks in witches costumes)
Sensory: Look, feel, taste a pumpkin.
Cooking: Pumpkin seeds
Manipulative: Mr. Pumpkin head (like a Ms. Potato head)

Snack: witches brew punch and Halloween cookies

We had a fun day today. Have I mentioned that I love Halloween.

Feeling a little overwhelmed

2009-10-30T00:26:19Z

So, I finally got to see my new building today with all the lights on. I did a walk through just making notes of what has to be done before I can open, things I would like done, things that need to be done semi- soon but not immediatly. The list is long and fairly cumbersome. Some of the things the owners must do before I sign the lease. Some of the things we can do. We are suppose to email them tonight with the list of " demands". There is no way the building will be ready for me to take over on the first. It is going to take the owners a couple of weeks to get thier responsibilities done and then us a week or so to get our stuff done.

I have so much paperwork to do too.

I am feeling a little overwhelmed right now and having second thoughts. The second thoughts are silly as I know I am ready to expand... and have out grown my current situation.

Ack.
Maggi

p.s I did not get to put up my spider webs yet. Stupid rain!!! I am going to go do my window clings in a few minutes though. I stayed up until four this morning baking Halloween cookies. I still have a whole batch of dough to bake and frost. Woot woot. Anna helped me. She is a good Anna, even if she did forget to do the deposit today!

More Halloween information

2009-10-28T07:26:34Z

Daddy bought me some Halloween window clings and a couple of bags of spider webs. Tomorrow I am going to decorate all the front windows and make my fence and gate all spriderized! It may scare Goldie away like little Miss Muffet!

Tonight I took 9 kids to Hallowzooween. We had a great time. In the past it has been more of a trick or treating thing. This year it was more of a festival thing with games and the like. We went on a Haunted train ride. The second oldest child was scared but all of the rest had a blast.... Even the 3 and 4 year old. They thought the "scary" stuff was hilarious. We had a good time.

I came home really drained after the walk around the zoo. Before I was attacked by Swine flu I had built up a decent stamina by walking at the zoo a few times a week. However, my energy level has been horrid ever since the swine flu. Each day is better than the day before, but I wore myself out after only walking for an hour at the zoo.

We did not have time to see all of the Halloween exhibits and " Goblin Stops" because we had to leave by 800. Anna had to be at her sleep study by nine, so we were on a time schedule. Anna really needs her sleep study! She snores soooo loud and the rest of us scream at her to roll over all night long... poor Anna. Poor us!!!!! A few years ago they did a surgery on her nose, sinus, tonsils, uvula etc and she quit snoring for a couple of years... now, though worse than ever. I worry about her not breathing correctly at night and think she either needs surgery again or a sleep apnea machine. Not to mention, I sure do like sleep. More than that... I like my Daddy so much better when he has had adequate sleep!!! So, hopefully they can fix my Annabelle!!!

The house seems so quiet, empty, and wrong tonight. Things are just not the same without Anna here. I realize that only an hour has passed since she would normally be home from work... but it is wrong without her here. I miss her already. I wuv my "gnaw"!!!

Anyhow, I am so sore from all the walking that I do not feel like climbing the steps to go to bed. I am going to go crash in the garage with my puppy dog and Directv.
Maggi

p.s One of the children I took to Hallowzooween tonight did not have a costume... so he wore my dogs! It was cute and amusing all at the same time. Pictures coming soon.

Dear Daddy: An important letter

2009-10-28T07:16:06Z

Dear Daddy,
I have a problem and only my wonderful Daddy will be able to fix it. I need you to make my world all better and put a new rainbow in my sky!! Every night when I take my bath I get so very sad. You see, my best bath friend is broken. My Gertie loofah ( however you spell it) is broken. It is all worn out. I use it anyhow but it is just a big purple blob. I do so love my Gertie loofah. She is almost two years old and way beyond her years.Please fix her. My Gertie handle is just fine, but her loofah is all messed up. I am tired of being sad and having to tell my Gertie that all will be well again someday. Please help me, Daddy!!!!

So sad in the bath,
Maggi
P.s To those of you who do not know who Gertie is. She was the female Shrek baby from Shrek two. I think the ogre babies are the cutest things in the world. My Daddy bought me a Gertie baby doll and a Gertie loofah a couple of years ago because I love her so. She is almost as cute as me!!!!!

I had to look up the correct spelling of Loofah. How sad is that?

On a side note: I learned a valuable lesson today. It is not a wise idea to let your dog in the bathtub with you. ~nodnodnod~

sub vs slave debate

2009-10-25T19:10:54Z

On a message board I frequent someone defined a slave like this:

"A slave, contrary to popular belief, in my opinion, cannot choose. She responds to the dominant person because of the force of their personality and the way that it complements her particular needs (meaning that not just any strong person will do, it has to be the one that is capable of mastering HER). She finds herself obeying- sometimes not even knowing that she is doing so... she obeys because he wills her to, not because she chooses to. If she is choosing, then she is maintaining her free status and by definition can not be a slave. It's not the way a lot of people see it though. But thought I'd throw that out there." (AnnaofAramis)

This is by far the best definition of slave I have ever read, as it applies to me. I wanted to post this in my journal so I can refer back to it when this wonderful debate arises again.

Sockie Wocks

2009-10-25T06:16:12Z

My feet are cold! I need sockie wocks!!!!

Maggi
p.s Thank you Annabelle

Advice to myself the next time I feel like I have hit a brick wall

2009-10-22T06:35:01Z

Each and everyone of us sometimes feel like we have hit a brick wall. Sometimes this is the universes way of telling us to slow down, and sometimes it is telling us to find a new path. Then again sometimes the door is right in front of us and we just need to realize that and walk through it.

I have been through some very difficult times in my life and the best advice I could take was to just get throught it. Time heals all wounds is the best advice to remember. It may be cliche but there is a measure of truth hidden there. Keep looking toward the goal and consciously choose to take one step at a time.

I have often said that sometimes life gets hard, especially as a slave. I have often said that I choose to surrender everyday. Sometimes, when times are hard and I am feeling uncertain ( or a whole array of other emotions) I have to make that choice many times throughout the day.

Take a deep breath. Let it out slowly. Then take a single step, then another....If you cant step then crawl until you find the strength and will to stand again. Just see this as growing pains and remember that once you come through this you will be more in tune with yourself, your desires, and your relationship.

Message board thread: Do you ever wish you werent a slave

2009-10-22T06:30:40Z

There are times when being a slave is hard as hell and I wish I could just turn it off and be something different. However, I see the inability to stop being a slave and stop serving him or my inability to choose to walk away from the relationship as the very thing that sets me apart from a submissive and makes me a slave. Yes, sometimes I wish I was not a slave. However, people with straight hair always wish they had natural curls and those with luscious curls wish their hair was straight. I think it is a part of hunan nature to view the grass greener on the other side....
just a slave,
Maggi

Communication is overrated

2009-10-22T06:25:08Z

I realize that a million people will instantly disagree with my next sentence.However, I believe that the need for communication is highly over rated and overstated.

Please note that I did not say that I believe communication to be inessential. I believe communication is essential to a lasting well balanced relationship. I just believe that people tend to over communicate or feel the need to do so. I do not see that communicating about how I feel at every turn as important, but futile. Emotions change, sometimes quickly, as do wants and desires.

I believe that people often jump straight into communication when they are involved in a PE or TPE and skip over self help skills and personal problem solving. I hate to see people needing to talk every time they have a single thought or emotion. I believe it is important to never lose the skill of working things out for yourself and understanding your own emotions.

For me, if I have an emotional issue or am upset about something I try to work through it. If and when I am unable to come to a resolution on my own that I believe is positive and productive then I will approach Master with a need to communicate. I cannot imagine having to talk to him and communicate about every tiny issue that arises in my day to day life. I would see that as being quite high maintenance. Why should I inconvenience him with something I am perfectly capabale of handling on my own. ( I realize this is not true for people whose relationship is built upon emotional transparency).

I always groan when I see the following occur ( yes, even I have been guilty of such):
~ Someone makes a post asking for thoughts and advice on a topic and people immediatly reply with talk to the partner and communicate.~ Fact is, that is obvious. However, one needs to know what they wish to communicate and have a purpose in communication before saying " Hey, we need to talk". Now, I am not going to discredit the fact that sometimes people just need to vent and get things off thier chest. I have always been of the belief that if I am going to approach someone with a problem I should have at least one suggestion for a solution to offer.

So, I suppose I would have been more accurate to say that I feel talking is overrated or that many people do not communicate effectively thus making the communication worthless and futile. When people waste time on ineffective communication or communicating when they should be working on the issue internally many opportunities for bonding, growth, fun and experience are passed by.

My point is two fold, communication should never become a road block for introspection and there is a time and a place for everything... including communication.

I am...

2009-10-22T06:10:18Z

For all of you who has ever wondered who I am or why I do what I do... The answer is simply this: I am internally enslaved. I have always been one to buck labels, but I wear this one with pride.

Just thought I would share for no real reason at all.
Maggi

All is well....

2009-10-21T05:24:09Z

I am able to drink my yummy water again! All is well with my soul!

( during the week I had swine flu I would throw up EVERY time I tried to drink water)

Banishment Part 2!

2009-10-19T07:08:15Z

This sucking fucks!

P.S. Faerie? Pregnant?

exhausted

2009-10-18T17:30:33Z

As exhausted as I am, and was last night... I cannot believe that I didnt sleep worth anything. It was the most restless night of sleep ever. I tossed and I turned! I had to pee every hour. I could hardly sleep and when I did it was filled with insane dreams. Ugggg I feel worse today than yesterday and I think it is just being exhausted that is kicking my butt.

Maggi

Rejoined the living

2009-10-17T19:25:12Z

Last night I came inside for a little while. I had been fever free for just over 24 hours and was eager to see my Master and rejoin the land of the living. I folded some laundry, wiped down the stove and counters in the kitchen, loaded the dishwasher, made some easy sides for dinner ( Master grilled some steak) and ate a little dinner with Master. I cleaned up dinner and took Anna a plate. All of this happened in about 45 minutes but I felt like I had ran a marathon. I crawled in bed with Anna and crashed for about 12 hours.

Master called me this morning ( like 130Pm morning ) and woke me up to ask if I wanted to come in and watch a movie with G. OMG no, I just wanted to sleep. My body aches so bad! However, then I was awake and aware of my pain. I crawled out of bed and into the house. I started my comforter in the washer. I want all of my bedding to be washed before I put it back onto my normal bed. Then I stumbled to the shower. I feel much more alive now. I have rejoined the land of the living although I feel so drained and exhausted.

I got out of the shower, combed my hair, pulled it back and brushed my teeth. I cleaned the bathtub, toilet and bathroom counter, then climbed into clean Pajamas. I am clean and alive, but sooooo tired and I am still all achy.

Master is on kid duty for another hour or so. After that I am going to plead with him to take me some place!!! I do not even care where. I have been in lockdown and isolation for almost a week and I have cabin fever. I am going insane.I need OUT OUT OUT!!!

It is awesome to be posting in my journal from inside the house like a normal humanbeing. On a positive note: If we can make it 2 more days without anyone else associated with this house coming down with the swine flu then the isolatin was worth it!!!

Maggi

Banishment continues

2009-10-15T19:48:49Z

In the last ten years I have only been away from Master this long one time. I am missing him something terrible. Although, the last thing I want is for him to get sick. He is taking amazing care of us from a distance though.

Last night he called to see if we were hungry and what we wanted to eat. I said we would like to have something hot, but we didnt have much of an appetite at the moment.

A little while later he called and told us to come get some stuff. We are using the hot tub as an exchange point for stuff, so we don't contaminate the people who are well. The hot tub is located on the patio between the house and the garage.

He brought us a few bottles of sprite ( diet for me) and brought red Diamond tea sweetened with spplenda out to me. He had Goldie prepare us a light dinner too. He also brought us a whole bag of comfort food. He boughtmy favorite poptarts, got us some oreos and a ton of chocolate.

It seems like my nasuea is passing and I have a little bit more of an appetite today. However, Annas naseau is worse today.

My temp hit 104.3 last night and I was convinced that I was going to die. I had slept for 6 hours and was 2 hours late in taking a fever reducer. When I woke up with the chills and feeling half dead I made a mental note not to make that mistake again. I will be setting an alarm to wake up to take my tylenol or motrin on time.

This is day two of banishment and I am going nuts. I would be climbing the walls and pacing the floor if I had the energy to sit upright for more than a few minutes at a time.

My friend, B., who has already had this is coming over this afternoon to watch Mama Mia with us. She and I have been trying to find time to get together for several weeks now to watch it. Since, she should be immune to this strand of swine flu she is coming over.

Anyhow, I am heading to lay down again.
Maggi
ps I miss my Daddy and want his stinky old shirt to snuggle with!!!

Hey Blush

2009-10-15T01:41:55Z

You can come share in our banishment! You should be immune to this swine flu crap!!! Although, I have slept almost all day and am not much company. I do also have a DVD player in the garage... and a couple of game consols...

Banished!

2009-10-15T01:39:51Z

Okay so I am banished. I am in solitary confinement; imprisoned by my Master. I am "locked" in the garage for at least one week. This is all because I have swine flu!!! I am sad that my Anna is sick, but at least I am not in absolute solitary. See, how my Master is... We get sick and he kicks us right out!!!

(This is the part where I don't mention the following:
1. I cannot expose the house/ my business to this any more than I have to.
2. The garage is fully finished and has heat and air conditioning, as well as a love seat, a lounge chair, a big comfy chair, a queen size bed, lamps, laptop with internet, books, tv with more than 300 channels, craft stuff, a cooler with ice and drinks, tissue, tons of medicines to treat my symptoms, pillows, blankets, my doggie, a stereo, and even 2 cell phones with a charger. )

ugh, I am off to go lay back down and suffocate the snoring Anna with a pillow. I know I am a triple high risk with this crap since I am diabetic, asthmatic, and have restrictive lung disorder....

Hmmm, Anna snoring... I think I will get a set of ear plugs out of the pool toys box that is up on the shelf!!!
Maggi

Ps If anyone wants to recommend any movies or books to us or email us entertaining stuff to do online or send a text message please do!!! Please don't call though....I so don't feel like talking.

The building saga continues

2009-10-14T04:03:58Z

Well, the guy for the building called this afternoon and said we can have the building if we want it. He is suppose to come by sometime tomorrow and go over the terms and make a timeline with us. Christopher is checking into a small business loan tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed that things work out!!!! I am so excited. I just know I am not going to be able to sleep.

The down side of things... I am feeling a bit ill and under the weather. I cannot NOT get sick right now. I do NOT have time!!!!